I lost my body confidence after pregnancy, pre baby i weighted 6 and a half stone. I have no real figure, i had no bum and no boobs. But also had no belly or love handles. My fashion style was body-con and anything that i wore tended to show off my figure. So pregancy was a shock but i loved every minute of it. I was so proud of my bump. I could walk down the street and from the back i still looked like that tiny pre baby size, and then i would turn around and boom. I was 9 months pregnant. I didn’t loose my confidence until i had given birth to freya. I look back at photos of me post freya and i cringe… That is a feeling that i want to change. I have always been called the little one, or told how skinny i was. When i would express my worries about this gained weight, i didn’t get the ‘your not fat’ comments any more i got the ‘but you have just had baby’ and they were right i had. But that didn’t mean that i was happy with the new body that i had.
I struggled with seeing people and leaving the house, i mean i was a new mother who had worries of how she was going to look after another human. Why also having worries about how those people that i may no of seen for years may look at me. I mean how bad is that. What i silly feeling but it was so strong for me.
I think i did manage to get over those initial feelings because i did end up loosing the weight after freya, and sadly i can say that the reasoning for that was that i was unhealthy and started to smoke again. That really clenched my hunger. I would smoke when i was hungry, and the weight poured off me. I got to my goal weight of 8 and a half stone.
But fast forward 8 months and i fell pregnant with ellie. The smoking stopped. And do you know that the confidence soared again. I was pregnant and happy. And i embraced the big belly and felt amazing. I can honestly say my most confident body image of the last 7 years has been when i have been prengnant that even includes when the pregnancy has been tough. I have loved the bump. And am a mum that can honestly say that i get very down when that bump is gone.
How dieting has never worked for me
Dieting has never worked for me because i am someone that has always had a very negitive relationship with food. My poor mum most of hated me as a child. I was so picky, i didn’t want to try anything. I mean i wouldnt eat pizza if it was to crispy or chips. I have issues with texture, i couldn’t eat anything raw. Vegtables i think it was a push to get me to eat carots, i would eat parsnips and that was it. And they were seasonal. As i grew up i was still very, very fussy and in some ways i am now. So having a restrictive diet ment that i was really stuck. And i would try and eat the foods i was being advised but my thoughts were i was hating the food so once i had completed the diet and got to the size i wanted i would be bingeing on the food that i missed. I am sure this is something that sound familiar to you.
Also dieting didn’t work for me because i was completely dependent on sugar. And in some ways i still am. Sugar was my energy fix, when i didn’t sleep i would use sugar to get me through the day. I still do this i am not going to lie. I have such a sweet tooth. When i was pregnant with freya ellie and ava i craved chocolate fudge cake. I mean i would eat a whole cake in one sitting. I know this could explain the weight gain right. I love sugary snacks and i hate that i love them so much. I went just over a month without sugar, and i felt amazing i didn’t crave sugar i was happy more awake in the morning, the worst thing that i did was give myself a week off for christmas because i went hard, i ate so much and could never restrict it again.
How i plan to be more body confident
So for this whole blog post i have spoken about how i am not confident, well i am not the most confident. But i am more confident then i have ever been before. I have a very basic clothing style, but that is perfect for me i know that it suits me, i don’t have to panic in the morning, wondering what to wear. I am learning to love my body for what it is, i am not restricting my diet but just making sure that i am eating the healthy stuff too. I am spending time looking at my self in the mirror and trying to take pictures of myself. I am trying to desensitise myself to the fear by posting images of myself online. With or without make up.
I think its really helpful to know how to position your body, for photos, seeing a good photo of myself helps me to feel confident, it helps me feel happy. And thats never a bad thing. A filter on a photo to me, isnt a bad thing as long as it not one of those filters that hides your whole face, like the facemask filter or something. Having an app that tunes your body is a little different. I am not going to lie i have used them, but i am rubbish and the only thing that i was about to achieve was a bitty looking skin, so that wasnt very helpful. Haha ..
So my 10 steps to feeling more confident with my body
1. Take more photos
2. Don’t restrict my diet
3. Eat healthier food also
4. Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror
5. Find a position that makes you feel more confident
6. Find a clothing style that suits your body
7. Get rid of all the other clothing distractions
8. Turn off all the trending clothing apps you have and just by clothes that you like
9. Take time for you, the confidence comes from inner love
10. Believe in yourself and blow your own whistle.
So just to clarify, I am not body confident just yet, this is a working progress. I am writing this blog to help other like-minded people; this isn’t just to support post-partum mother but also anyone.
Let me know how you find body confidence?
The Messy Mum Virtual Assistant 